


Get Bent

by orphan_account



Category: Fight Club - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Dogs, Gen, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Not Captain America: The Winter Soldier Compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-07-23 13:42:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20009227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Sam catches Bucky frequenting more groups than just the vet support group, and tries to pin him down. They get close, and one day Sam is like, you've practically moved into my house, but you never invite me over. And Bucky is like, hoo boy. Disclaimer I never saw a cap movie.





	Get Bent

**Author's Note:**

> alright folks i gotta get this off my plate so i can sstop chipping away at it  
> im a good boy so im not talking about fight club in this i haven't seen that movie either. cavalier i may be if i get anything wrong ill be distraugt like if you see me talking about how much bucky loves peaches when... it's plums in canon??? he LOVE them or what?? or more likely that sam already has a dog, or DOESN'T have a cat. (i put the dog in, because i need people to hear this story NOW and i needed a realistic lead up to sam being like, hey tyler) listen i know it's plums and. i know sam isn't a real furry but he is a real american. see im a little self aware (removes the CW non compliant tag) also necterines are better

# 1\. Southeast of Disorder

This VA vet group operates from the same basement, that all the other groups does, which is kind of crazy. You'd think they'd have sprung for an attic at least. 

"How's Snoopy?" Barnes says, folding up chairs, with Wilson at the end of the meeting. 

"Oh, Snoopy's back home." Wilson says, and then has to clarify. "I found his pare, I found, his owners." 

"Oh, okay Jesus, you sounded like you killed him." 

"No! How could I kill a dog in two days." 

"Feeding him cat food." 

"I did actually go buy him dog food before I saw the poster. Now I have a whole bag of dog food and no dog." 

"Freak." Barnes says, and Wilson snorts. 

"What've you been up too." 

Barnes shrugs. "I think I'm in a flux period right now." 

"Oh." Wilson says, and when Barnes won't give him anything else, he asks. "Do you want to get lunch some time?" 

Barnes folds his arms. "Sure, that's nice." 

Sam grins. "Cool." 

# 2\. Dog Stuff

"So, tell me about Snoopy, again, how'd you screw that up so bad." Barnes says, while they wait for their food. 

"It literally turned out better the... he got back to his family." Wilson says. What does Barnes want for this stray dog?? I mean, there's nothing sweeter than rescuing a dog from overnight-ing it in a ditch. "He didn't seem happy about it, I mean, but, remember how I was saying he was blind?" 

"You, you said drunk, first." 

"Well, I meant dehydrated." Wilson says. "Turns out, he was just really old." 

"Oh," Barnes says, and starts laughing before he can even tease Wilson again about killing someone else's dog. "And you just... found him by your car... eheheh." 

"It all worked out." Wilson said. "Except his owners are faking it and I'm the only one that can really love him." 

"All we need are some ski masks and one of those grappling hook thingies." Barnes said. "And we can get him back for you." 

"Uh, no. I'm not going to steal a 15 year old blind dog." Wilson said. 

"What kind of dog would you steal?" 

"I dunno. I just think it would be nice if a dog found me, you know? For keeps this time, though." 

"Missing, Sam Wilson, reward, cat food." 

"I didn't want him to starve. Man, he was SO hungry." 

#  3\. World's SADDEST Image

# 4\. My Friend Behr

They get pizza, and sit outside Starbucks. 

"Buck, do you think it would be hard to be a support group leader if you couldn't connect to the people who come?" Wilson says, really hitting it out of the park tone-wise. "Some of the groups in that basement, seem so hopeless and sad." He has to barrel on, because Barnes is giving him that horrified look again. "But I think most of the leaders are really good people. My friend Behr," And Wilson gets a reprieve when Barnes starts cackling. 

"My friend Behr says you talk, in HIS group!" Wilson presses. One day, Wilson was talking to his work friend about how funny Barnes was, and how he looked just like the guy from that one movie, and it had turned out! That Barnes! Has more than one problem : PTSD and chronic cheating on your support group with, like, 6 different ones! 

Barnes hunches up his shoulders. "I'm sorry Sam. See, see, see, see," But he just trails off. 

"Man, you seem like a good guy," Wilson says, "But if you've been givin' me fake crap at the meetings because you think it's funny..." That's really all Wilson wanted to say, besides wishing Barnes were a real person. 

"No, no." Barnes says. "It's just, everyone at your group is so, you know. Not normal, sure, but more normal than I'd be classed as. I mean, I mean, you deal with undead people in your group much, I mean?" 

"Not too many." Wilson acknowledges gently. "Sorry. That was a bad move." 

"Besides, the guys are nice to me in Behr's group." 

"Oh, oh yeah, that's good, talking to people generally does that." 

"Yeah, I know." Barnes mutters. "Bad news, but I AM sad and hopeless." 

"I don't think so." 

"I know and it sucks!" Barnes says, and then takes a bite of his cheesy bread. "You need to quit listening to me." 

"You need to quit talkin' with your mouth full." Wilson says. 

# 5\. Which One Was That Again?

"Hey, Sam, uh, this is gonna sound weird." Barnes stands up once the last guy leaves. "Y'see, I make soup, like on Etsy, for a living, and so, I made some soup for you." And he presents Wilson with a packet of orange powder with a label stapled on it. 

Dented corn kernels, red and white slivers, convex orange cubes, green flakes. Wilson presses his thumb into the packet. He smells the soup. Spicy. "Wow. Thanks, this is nice. You make soup?" 

"Yeah." Barnes shrugs. "I don't remember how I got into it. But business is alright. If you want different soup, maybe I could bring you some more." 

"Yeah, cool." 

"Do you want to get dinner? Not soup." Barnes says. 

Wilson smiles, it makes Barnes smile too. "Sure. Next Friday, maybe?" 

"Sure." 

# 6\. Just Stopping By

"Nope!" Says some kid on Barnes's porch. "You're too, uh, ouwh," And he accidentally looks Wilson over. "What, you like coffee more than sleeping?" 

"Me, too old? What the heck. For what." Wilson grumbled, stepping up to the doormat. "Do you know if Buck lives here?" 

"Tch." The kid says. 

"Okay." Wilson is like, um??????, and just elbows the doorbell, glancing back at the kid, who gives him another challenging look. 

"Get out of here," Some other kid answers the door without even looking. "What the heck, get out of here, where's, all your stuff." 

This house is crawling with identical looking guys?! Wilson looks past them, sees a dark living room and a mortified face in the hot orange kitchen. "Buck." Wilson squeaks. It's almost worse that he has the correct house. No, it is definitely worse. 

"Out of my way." Barnes snarls at the kids, grabbing one by the arm and making him stumble. "Sam." He searches his face. "Oh. Uh." 

"You left your phone at my house." Wilson says, "And I stopped by Star Bucks." He gives Barnes a coffee, and pulls his phone out. 

"Oh my phone, huh. Gee." Barnes sips the coffee and glances at his phone. "What. What are you up to?" In the background, something flies through the frame and smacks onto the wall, and the guys hoot. 

"I was just gonna go for a run." 

"Mm-hm." Barnes says. "Well, if you want some moral support or something, gimme a minute to get changed. Come on in." And leads Wilson to the living room, where a woman with dark hair and long thin fingers is click-clacking on her laptop with Judge Judy on in the background. "Here. Ss..." He takes the remote from her side of the coffee table and gives it to Wilson. Wilson scrolls through the directory of channels, while the woman and boys watch him, with Judge Judy in a little square at the top of the screen. 

Wilson hears running water, Barnes mumble, _stupid,_ and then say, _hey, go finish the laundry. Yes I'm serious, go! Jesus._ And a kid wanders through the living room, Barnes follows, "Sam, that is Mara Singer, my roommate. Mara, I got my eye on you." 

Singer doesn't look up at him. 

Barnes marches through and down the hall. Wilson is like, do I have to break up with him for ordering 20 weirdos around, how does he even fit all of them in here, oh my God, am I in a horror movie, is he going to turn me into a pig like in Spirited Away. _Am I too old to join my boyfriend's death cult? It happened, to me_! And Bucky comes out with jeans on. "Thanks, Sam. Let's go. For understanding. Thank-you." 

"Yeap. Yep." Wilson says. 

They walk down the driveway and get into Sam's car, and the porch guy watches. 

Barnes starts cackling once they shut the doors. "Christ. What did I tell you." 

"What the hell." Wilson squeals. "What was that?" 

"My roommate." Barnes says, not answering Wilson's question, and rolls down his window, and raves at the porch-guy. "If you're still here, I'll personally tear your fingernails off. Learn subtly, dingbat. You're nothing, you're pathetic, you're rotting away in there like cotton candy. I'll pour acid on your eyes. I'll ta..." 

Wilson nudges the brake up, and they nose away from the curb. Barnes rolls up his window. "I'm really sorry. You shouldn't, you shouldn't, you shouldn't have had to deal with all that." 

At first, Wilson doesn't say anything. "Yeah, it's okay it's fine." And then, he does start laughing. "What the heck." 

"Pretty smart move barging in on a guy like me. What if I'd gone all Wet Bandits on you?" 

"What, freeze your porch in THIS weather? Sorry, next time I'll give you a call. Oh wait." 

"Well, now you know how I live." Barnes shrugs, not looking at him. 

"Yeah, can we talk about that?" 

"I... It just started happening to me." Barnes shook his head, rattling his hair. "That, wait, oh, I know that sounds like some stupid excuse. But it, it, it, it." 

"Did they just start pouring through your windows?" 

"No, first there was one, and I was like, weird escort you got there, and then when I woke up, he was telling me to stay out of the way." 

"Who, the first one? In your own house?" 

"Not really my house. I just live there. And I make the soup." 

Wilson clicks his tongue. "This is too crazy. Start over. So first, there was, what, Mara's hook-up?" 

Barnes laughs. "Yeah. Yeah." 

# 7\. Https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egB-ZQM9ytY

"Hey, Sam?" Barnes says, holding a spoon perfectly horizontal. "This is a bad favor, but can you go along with Mara to get more flaked Himalayan salt, please?" 

"Yeah, sure, that's not that bad a favor, Buck." Wilson blurts, and then the camera refocuses on Mara, who is sitting weird on the couch, holding a martini glass. Oh NO. 

"And, uh, another pressure cooker too." 

Sam snaps his head from Mara to Buck. 

"It's French? When it, there's no air just pressure, or something, it's either hot or slow. No. Fast." Barnes says. "Hello? For the soup." 

"Oh, oh, yeah right." 

"What do YOU use a pressure cooker for? Huh? Taste this." He jerks the spoon at Wilson. 

* * *

Barnes sighs into the phone, dreading what he is about to ask Wilson to subject him too. "Well, wanna put Mara on." 

"I guess man." 

"I mean I'm at Soup." Singer is telling Barnes. "I'm at the soup store. Fuck you." 

Wilson is ginger in taking the phone back. "Heh, sorry about that." He tells the phone. His voice feels so tiny and lonely. 

"It's fine, his personality flips on a dime." Singer tells him, and he takes the phone from his cheek to see his recent calls are on screen. He can't judge Barnes for hanging up on her, I guess. 

"It's fine, it happens to some guys. It's not bad." Wilson says, of Barnes's temper. "So, do you help him with his soup very much?" 

"Absolutely not." 

"Oh. I guess that explains why we're in the wrong store." 

She glances at him. Now, she's smiling. 

The salt is in the soap store because, honestly, they are making pink salt flavored soap in 2019.

**Author's Note:**

> was i supposed to cast nat as marla??  
> deleted scenes  
> >somethin somethin stick your dick in the soap. you know that donut shaped soap?  
> >the ending: eventually sam is like, "okay,, i'm used to this now. hey mara, hey assortment of guys. hey buck." and bucky is like "aw no" and calls tyler and tyler is like, "sorry what? your doing it for attention? this isn't hug camp, this is mayhem," and bucky is like "now hold on a second,"


End file.
